Monday, October 18, 2010

Back in Blog!

After reading through 3 years worth (aka 17 minutes) of postings here, I feel compelled to start posting again. Why? And to that I must fervently type, WHY NOT?

Blog, I have a secret. I miss you. I miss you like the rivers miss the rain. I miss you like my tastebuds miss cheesy nachos now that I apparently have an allergy to cow milk. So here we are. I promise to go slow this time and not overwhelm you with all my emotions and energy and excitement!!!!

Blog, I have a secret. I've never stopped loving you. Sure, I may have started and stopped another blog or two, but you were the first. The best. The one I must and will and shall return to. I promise to never stop loving you. Unless it makes more sense to start another blog elsewhere.

SO GUYS (aka self)! Heyyyyy. On a whim, I submitted to be part of New York's Funniest Stand-Up Competish. I got an audition! Now I must prepare 2 minutes of jokedy jokes. It's been fortnights upon fortnights since I've performed so there's a lot for me to do. Not expecting anything to come of it, but I'm excited/nervous to wield the mic again.

love n' panic,

Thursday, March 05, 2009

thursday blog blast

Happy 3/5/09 people! There's absolutely nothing special about the date. DON'T READ INTO IT! I already tried. Wait, all the numbers are odd. And if you add the numbers, then double the sum, it's my age. And if today is your birthday, then it IS a special day! To you.

On a less hostile note, hi guys! can you tell i've spent the entire day A to the L to the ONE? I just polished off my signature tri-CH platter: CHips, CHeese, CHocolate. Super yums. When you spend the day by yourself, it's ok to assemble a meal made of snack foods. Right? Right!

I'm going to get my daily eighty eight year old lady walk in now that it's dark out and I've recently changed into street clothes. Time to see my boo and eat a vegetable.

Love n' superreal hugs,

Thursday, January 29, 2009

a smattering of my favorite foods!

hey ganglies,

now that it's 2009 and all, i figure it's time to reveal some of my favorite foods. the following are food stuffs that often find their way into my paws and, subsequently, into my maw.
enjoy the variety of visuals!

and and...

and oops, i almost forgot

molly "can take or leave popcorn" reisner

Thursday, January 08, 2009

internet babies

"I don't have any real babies in my life, but I am tracking several of them on facebook" - my roommate, Jenn.

zinger #1

You know you're getting old when your message t-shirt says "Dance Like You've Never Had Knee Surgery." And you bought it at Talbots.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009


note to copywriters:

adding the suffix 'ista' to create fake nouns is getting real tiresome. examples include recessionista, fashionista, stylista, and storagista. what is a storagista you ask? it's someone who stores stuff, probably fiercely and relentlessly. caught that one on a storage ad on the subway. here are some other uses that are bound to pop up over the next coupla months:

bankruptista - one (most likely a girl or gay man) who has found herself fiercely bankrupt.

couch surferista -
one (most likely a girl or gay man) who has found herself fiercely sleeping on the couches of friends, due to recent bankruptcy.

diarrrheaista -
one (most likely a girl or gay man) who has found herself in a continual state of fierce diarrhea, due to stress of current financial state, lactose intolerance or combination of the two.

temporista - one (most likely a girl or gay man) who temps, fiercely.

On a happy new year note, HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2009. HOLY CRAPPITY!! The new year fills me with equal parts excitement and dread. So much to accomplish, so much pressure to live up to goals. It's like DO OR DIE time. I aim to do. A lot. I hope you stay motivated to inch towards your dreams. Let's move (slowly) together, k?

molly "inchwormin' it to the top" reisner

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

back in effect

hey blog-reading-eyeballs!,

sorry for the lengthy hiatus, i've been busy "living la vida molly" (sorry for being so velveeta city*). what exactly does "living la vida molly" entail? fun-keepers and secret-to-life-seekers, please adhere to the following life lesson plan listed below. follow these steps to achieve your own "living la vida [your name here]"!


1.) quit your job asap.

2.) disregard the rhythms of the outside working world, it's acceptable to stay in your pjs till 3. or 4:16. or whenever you want to de-pajamize. no one has to know!

3.) to save money, consider using one of those re-usable menstrual sponges advertised in feminist magazines. after i considered it, i was like "hell to the no".** i do not want to deal with wringing that thing every coupla hours.

4.) to make money, consider donating genetic material to a loving couple on craigslist so they can create another part-you. you don't have to do it...just give it a good mull.

5.) go to the gym!! it's important to keep up your endurance!!! if you can't afford the gym, just run real fast around your apartment for 45 minutes, pretend a mouse is chasing you and scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6.) whew, got kind of exciteable up there. i'm trying hard to keep the !exclams! at bay.

7.) sorry, step #6 didn't turn out to be a real step. it was more of an apology for step #5.

8.) and we're back! to create structure to your day, write down your goals the night before on your wipeyboard. note to self: go to STAPLES!

9.) do not forgo your smoked salmon! Trader Joe's has pretty good stuff for not that much.

10.) do what you love and love what you do. that was cheesatron 3000!

11.) watch a live stream of puppies playing and slumbering for an hour every day. it's a reminder to be curious, playful and fall down sleeping whenever you get the urge.

i hope this has given you a lil' glimpse of "what it takes". good luck!


*i just decided that "velveeta city" is a cheesy way to say "that's cheesy".
**i miss cracky whitney houston, where'd she run off to? bobbi brown makes me sad. he's like totally off celebrity radar!

Friday, August 15, 2008

baby pandas and dealing with loss

I'm not sure about other writers and comedians, but I keep a running draft called "master notes" in trusty ol' g-mail. In it, I transcribe things I wrote hastily on receipts and napkins when a jokesplosion occurs. Well guess what I just discovered? My master notes file is gone. It's there. But the contents are gone! Goodbye awesome joke about mailing labels that I won't be able to recall exactly what it was about. Goodbye funny quip about I don't even know what because IT'S GONE. I'm taking this as a sign that it's time to start anew. Release the old stuff and reinvent. Because anything worthwhile remembering I'll remember, right? Right.

Like the ever playful baby panda, I must keep on rollin' (with a matching black and white ball on a grassy lawn.)