hey blog.

soooo, what's up? i know, i've been out of touch. i'm sorry. no, i really am. i'm not gonna say it's because i've been busy - that's such a lame excuse. i know and you know that we make time for things if we want to. i could list all the reasons why i haven't blogged but it's insulting to our relationship. not to mention that somehow in all this not-blogging i've managed to sleep a whole bunch and eat a bunch of nachos. OF COURSE I HAVEN'T! omigod, NO! i haven't been busy reading other people's blogs. why would you think such a thing? i must really disappoint you. oh blog, can we start over? please? i miss the way you publish my posts - so willingly, without judgement. you're happy i stopped by? that means so much. thank you. now that i'm here, i realize just how much i've missed you. i'll be back, soon. oh, ok - cross my heart! better?

love,
your creator and pal,
molly

I was so hungry...

it wasn't even funny!

Often times, if not always, when people say "it wasn't even funny" they are right. It isn't. Being soooo hungry or sooooo tired or sooooo wasted is not hilarious. Although it is extreme!

Happy new year...

to all the Jews! May your year be sweet and lovely. I went to temple yesterday for Rosh Hashana. This older dude played the shofar like I've never heard before. His notes were long and powerful, hard to believe there were no holes in that twisty ram's horn for note adjustment. Afterwards, I played some mean air-shofar on the temple steps.

Happy 5765!

Weekday Word Association

My brain likes to make meaningless associations with words and other words. Here's what I'm thinking about the WEEKDAYS:

MONDAY is MUNDANE
TUESDAY is a FLOOZY
WEDNESDAY is WINDY (long 'i')
THURSDAY is THIRSTY
FRIDAY is FRIED EGGY

See? No sense. It's just A LOT of folly. Thanks goodness the weekdays are out of my system!!!

Sunday night potpourri, part 2

Nectarines and tangerines aren't related (except that they are both fruit, is that enough?) yet they both have 'ines' on the end. Huh!

My new ibook is so smooth and buttery. I'd like put a finn crisp underneath and take a little bite.

Random thoughts! Random thoughts. These are my random thoughts. WOW!

OK, I guess I should turn in for the night. Tomorrow is gollydang Monday. Goodnight blog! Keep me safe from the monsters under my bed.

The Greyhound Gang

Avoid Greyhound buses at all costs. Unless you like your fellow bus members creepy. I created a new word for creepy people: CREOPLES!

secret subway couples

Ever see 2 people on the subway, sharing a pole, and you sense they are a couple but aren't sure since they are reading and not looking at each other. They don't make much eye contact or touch each other in a way you can discern as couply, and yet...yet you SUSPECT they are. And your thoughts are confirmed when one of them is getting ready to get off the train. Only then do they speak, perhaps finishing up a convo they had earlier that morn, like that 45 minutes of non-acknowledgement just didn't happen. Out of the blue the woman will be like "Peanuts grow underground! Have a great day sweetie." Cryptic.

hey, small talker!

You, the one with not a lot to say! You talk small, and I like it. Come again? Oh, yes, it is a sunny day! Just lovely. I know, everyone is outdoors walking around. So busy, busy on the streets on such a nice day. What? Oh I know. It's been such a great summer. Not too hot. Yea, it is too bad that it's ending, but I'm excited to wear layers too. Labor Day? Oh, I'm headed to the Jersey shore. You said it! It's going to be very crowded. A lot of people on the beach, but hey, it's TO BE expected on a holiday weekend. How? Oh, I'm taking the casino bus. You get almost all your money back when you redeem the coupon inside the casino. I know! Casinos sure can afford to do that since they make so much money. Oh, no! No, I don't gamble. It depresses me to see people throw away money they can't afford. You have to go now? Bye Small Talker! Let's small-talk again soon!

help! i've fallen and...

i can get up but it's TOUGH!

i think someone should create a service for young, single people who hurt themselves at home but don't want to burden friends with a hospital trip or to fetch prescriptions/supplies from the crappy rite-aid.

sick? just press the button on your new white-trash gold "medallion" necklace and a fresh-faced helper comes to the rescue with fresh o.j. and tissues. no questions asked, no guilt-trips made.

who's with me?

guess who got a digital camera!!!

okayyy...i'll LOOK at the camera but that's IT! my nephew Josh, future heartbreaker.

Sammy

Behold the future of the Reisners - we're in good hands.

ny's best kept secret - where ladies really go to score.

post-headshots - feeling pretty glam in my pancake make-up. awesome cheek shine!

my friend matthew is adorable.

yeaaaa, it's been awhile

omigoodness! i don't have time for this blog right now but i'm gonna do it anyway. typing furiously, like a crazy-crazed lady with the devil in her eyes.

FIRE!

it's in my eyes because i am so crazy crazed.

MEETINGS!

bo-ring.

NACHOS!

on my mind 24/7.

THONGS!

never.

hot 97

A friend said that only puerto ricans and black people listen to hip-hop radio station HOT 97. That's not true. I listen, I mean I don't understand what they are saying, but still!

a note on brioches

A brioche tastes like challah except for the undertones of anti-semitism. SLAM!

don't it always seem to go...

that you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

This is especially true when certain people like you and you don't like them back that way, but then they go and get themselves people who like them that way and THEN you start liking them more and more and MORE.

Thank goodness this has never happened to me!!(!)

(don't) pass the mic

Before our last Laugh Sucka! show, my comedy compadre, Melanie, and I, handed out fliers for the show. At first I tried a loud, jokey approach - "AWESOME AND FUN FREE COMEDYS SHOW!!!!!!" One gentleman greeted me with "You're awesome!" and snubbed my outstretched flier-laden hand.

Then I toned it way down.

So in a casual, familiar voice I casually, familiarly approached passerbys. "Hey, like comedy? It's free." Or sometimes i'd just be silently shaking with tears.

OK - FF (fast-forward) to the show. We netted 2 people from the street. Both old men who had nowhere else to go. The 1st one left after 5 minutes. The 2nd guy stayed the whole time. He wore a white undershirt with a special homeade message:

I'm sorry.
I forgot.
My brain is full of shit.

Actually, it wasn't even that, but something like it that made less sense. Of course his t-shirt gets some notice during the show - it's what we call "talking to the crowd" in comedy-speak. Melanie invites him up to speak after all the comics go up. It is clear he has something he wants to say. He gets up and apologizes for stuttering then launches into several minutes of incoherent sentences, peppered with "fuck yous" and other curses. I think he had Tourettes and couldn't help himself. His first sentence was kinda funny - "It's taken me 25 years to say a full sentence" but then he lost his focus. Watching him struggle with words made me uncomfortable, but he got a kick out of having the mic. So, sometimes comedy can turn into one big, crazy mitzvah - even if it makes you squirm.

i'll try anything once!

Really? Like... clean your bits of hair out of the sink once? Or maybe sweep stray garlic skin off the kitchen floor once? I thought so, daredevil.

As you can sense, I do not like when people proclaim they will try anything once, when clearly they would not. I realize they are using this statement in regards to an adventure (jumping out of a plane, threesome etc.) but the attitude behind it is irritating AND annoying. Don't say you are going to try anything once, just do it.

[end rant]