tomorrow's plan

hey guys,

so tomorrow (DO NOT STOP ME!!!) i plan on going to the gym after work. i'm going to go to the gym, yeppers! i'm not just saying it, either. watch out ELLIPTICAL machine - i'm gonna ride you so hard for like 20-35 minutes tomorrow after work while i flip back and forth between E! and MTV. so don't even think of changing up my plan. concrete. after the cardio workout, i then plan to wipe down the machine. THEN, i plan to do some weight training on some limbs (TBD which limbs). probably after that, i'll do some light stretching, really just pull a muscle or two, then walk jauntily home. WHEW! it's like i already worked out just writing about it. STAY STRONG MOLLY! you are definitely going to the gym tomorrow. unless someone invites you out to dinner, preferably nachos. anybody game for NACHOS tomorrow after work? i was maybe gonna go to the gym.

xo,
molly

body evolution

i think our bodies should start evolving to accomodate fashion trends. like babies nowadays should be born with really long lower backs, so their butt cracks don't show when they wear lo-rise jeans. or maybe butt cracks are eliminated all together. i can't think of any other examps right now, but you get the idea. guess i've been seeing a lot of crack lately on the street. it's upsetting.

potpourri #5, shoe thoughts and noise curiousity

i bought 4 pairs of the same sandals. different colors, but wouldn't it be weird if they were all the same exact color? just stockin' up! but now i can rationalize and be like, they're totally different.

here are the colors:

white
bone
champagne
pearl

on a sidenote, my window faces a very strange space between buildings, creating a disturbing vortex of sound. sometimes it sounds like a machine doing something rhythmic, and sometimes it sounds like someone is having an orgasm. it's too much of a pattern for human behavior, so i'm guessing machine over man.

time to catch some yyyyyyyyyys! ooops, i mean ddddddds.


zzzzzzzzzzzzz,
mollzzzzzzzzyyyyyyy

potpourri #4, mostly about balloons

first off, happy mother's day!!

second, helium balloons depress me. they're like that person who always has to seem happy, but it's totally forced. "Hi!!! Things are going well! Yea, I'm doing good!" then, as the helium seeps from their mylar souls, the balloons slowly descend to the ground, until they're just a heap of deflated hopes with curly ribbons gathering dust.

thirdly, goodnight!

fourthly, i like normal balloons. they know when to throw in the towel.

clip up on comedy central

click on title, clickers!

a note-le about chipotle

Guys, I am not even kidding when I say Chipotle has cornered the market in mass-market tacos! In the past 2 days, I've consumed 2x2x2 tacos - do the math!!! It equals 8. Tonight I was flossing - turns out an ENTIRE taco (untouched) was wedged between my canine and whatever the tooth is called next to it. I really should know this since my dad is a dentist (f'realsies!!). I then put the taco in my mouth, chewed properly, aaaaand...scene.

idea for short play:

You: What time is it?

Me: TACO TYME!!!!

You: Stop it. Really, what the f time is it?

Me: CHI-POTES TIIIIME.

You (grab my wrist and look at watch): Wanna get some 'cos?

Me: Nah, not in the mood.

[Audience is stunned that my character doesn't want a taco after all. Scene is meant to be a bit of a cliffhanger and lead into next scene which is all about character's startling change of heart]

AAAAND SCENE*

*written, produced and directed by someone who is obsessed with a certain (shall remain unnamed) hard shelled treat that is on the menu at a certain (shall remain unnamed - I don't want everyone to ruin it) QSR**

** That's Quick Service Restaurant as we say in the food biz***

***biz = business

so...

I feel like mankind let down E.T.

my motto for spring...WAY TO BLOSSOM!!

I went for a walk the other day. The air smelled so nice. I was like "Is that fabric softener?" and then i was like "oh, it's nature!" and then i had nachos.

love,
molly

my knuckles hurt

'cuz all I've been doing lately is knocking on wood. Seriously, last night during dinner my pal and I knocked on wood like 87 times just as a safety precaution. All I can do these days is knock on wood! There's so much at stake.

For example:

Will he call me back? KNOCKIN'!

Will he call you back? KNOCKETY-KNOCKERS!!

And so on...and so forth!

It's tempting to knock on wood for inappropriate things.

For example:

Will my pasta taste good? small knocks

I hope I still fit into my pants from last year. medium-size knocks

I hope Earth lasts. the tiniest of knocks, really just a knocking motion in the air

I hope you all can relate to this train of thought (knock on you-know-what!!!).

love,
molly

right now i'm in puerto rico.

can you tell?

buenos noches mis amores,
molly-cita

p.s. it's really pretty here. i really wish i could show you! i will, when i get back home and upload my photos and import them to this blog, and write captions!

role reversal

I was at Barnes and Noble buying something (aka book) and the woman who rang me up was like "Can I help you sweetie?". She wore a lot of gold chains and her lips were burgundied with lipstick and liner. We made the transaction and then she was like "Have a good night, honey." Normally I would appreciate the sentiments, but the woman was SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD. It was all very confusing.

(tw)in-fighting

When twins fight, I wonder if it feels like they're fighting themselves.

Unrelated, one day i'd like to open a popcorn shop called "Molly's Homeade Original Popcorn Kernel Specialty Store, Selling Only Jars and Jars of Orville Redenbacher"

query to the masses

is it cool to say "don't shoot the messenger!" after you personally insult someone?

let me know,
molly

dancing under the influence (of R. Kelly)

sometimes it's important to have a dance party of one, with a professional photographer on deck to capture the beauty/spontaneity of the moment.

my inspiration:

this is the remix to ignition
hot and fresh out the kitchen
mama rollin that body
got evey man in her wishin
sippin on coke and rum
im like so what im drunk
its the freakin weekend baby
im about to have me some fun

BLOCK PARTY

duuuuudes! me. listen up! i just came back from seeing Dave Chappelle's Block Party. Holy mizz-oly - run and see it. In a theater. This deserves the big screen. A mix of comedy, music and, dare I say, heart? Really cool interactions between musicians, Dave and the people. Dave is a notaried genius.

Inspired!

Here's my contribution to rap:

MC Rei, been all in the media
Even laid verse in Wikipedia

(work in progress)

Also, Lauryn Hill, Jill Scott and Erykah Badu have amazing pipes and really great lip gloss.

Good night,

MC Rei (aka Molly "Knuckles" Reisner)

the sleepover

ever go out with someone, thinking it just might be a date...and then you realize you were horribly misguided? check this out. click on title!

It's Alice!

Hey Peep(s),

This is the Director's Cut of a pilot I did with my cousin, Isaac. Admittedly, the plot is kinda confusing - we know. We're working on a new one. Meet Alice, a twentysomething stoner secretly employed by an elite agency of Super Temps! When she's not filling in for absent surgeons or tardy SWAT Team members, Alice juggles career advice from her busybody roomate, Carla, and a complex relationship with her ex-boyfriend, and current drug dealer, Dylan.

date flashback #1

the worst date i went on was with a guy who smelled like garbage. he said he played music in "subways", and by subways he meant "chinatown on trash night". it took me awhile to reconcile, because he was cute, but he also smelled like sour milk and rotten cardboard. cute cannot trump smell, right? unless...i'm wearing a clothespin on my nose but that seems a bit cartoonish. i didn't fully understand the intensity of the stench until we sat down for a 2 and a half hour movie. At first I was making all kinds of excuses for it - no, maybe it's me. WTF? can't be. gotta be the soda-stained, greasy-fingered movie chair. and, a-nope. then he went to go to the bathroom. and i took a direct hit of his jacket. oh! god! another whiff, just to reaffirm. seriously, WTF?

the rest of the evening consisted of him trying to get closer to me, and me being overly friendly to hide mounting disgust. at the end, i got a stinky hug, and dissuaded him from walking me to the subway. ever agree to something while in your head you already know you are going to do the exact opposite? "sure, yea, let's do lunch during the week! yea, that sounds GUH-REAT!. Yea, give me a call.". but what I really meant was "can you not fucking smell yourself?". long story made longer, brring brring, he calls me up during the workday for our lunch date. being the kind of lady who takes the bull by the horns, i ignored the phone call. I then monitored how many times the phone rang from his number. 3 messages. 8 calls. i felt horrible but justified.


but i did e-mail him - i said i didn't shy away, right? - and promptly lied. yea, i met someone...good luck...soap's good...bye. he was like "i'm so glad you found someone in this crazy city..." but all i'd really found was fresh air.

he was sweet though. in the beginning of our (2 week maaaax) courtship, he would write me really flattering e-mails which kinda weirded me out but i also enjoyed. you can't smell an e-mail, that's for dang sure!! one time he wrote me a song, using my name. that also gave me the heebie jeebies. but, yea, what girl doesn't want a song written about her, even if it's a little creepazoids?

FLASHBACK MORAL: Smell nice. And lying's ok to protect someone's feelings, especially your own.

FIN

*look out for more dating flashbacks!! let me know if you like them! because i'm thinking of compiling these into a fabulous and uplifting book tentatively titled DATING SNIPPETS TO MAKE YOU REALIZE WE ARE ALL ESSENTIALLY ALONE.

blogsphemy!

To anyone who actually checks this thing:

Mainly Me:

I realize this blog is in serious neglect. 2 months. No update?! What?!?!?!?! A shunde! (Shunde = yiddish for 'shame'). There's something else...I'm so sorry to tell you like this in cold, hard computer letters...

I have another blog. It's on myspace. http://blog.myspace.com/mollyreisner It's been so long, I forgot how to link on you. Jesus.

I've only done a couple posts there, but yea, I'm a 2-tymer. But don't feel too bad, I don't think it's gonna last. I don't think I can keep up 1 blog, much less two.

Give me one good reason to stick with you. I will, I swear, I will.

If you're curious about what I've been blogging, blog, you can meet myspace. We can all be friends, right? RIGHT???

yours...forever...

molly

non-seqs

ever say out loud to yourself, "might as well make myself useful around here!" before tackling a chore? like tonight i chuckled at myself and was like "molly, you better earn your keep!", then i did the dishes. that's right folks, i jes' crack m'self up!

why is radio shack still a shack? this store has been around since the dawn of radios. someone's not running the business right.

ok, so i bought a big tube of toothpaste the other day and felt like i had a comittment ceremony with Colgate Spearmint. I am stickin' by this flavor, for like 2-3 months!

?! - love this combo of punctuation. cuz the ? is clearly like "i don't get it? huh?" and the ! is like "totally! i know!" but ?! is something unique. it's like "i'm feeling incredulous?!"