Stoner Thought #1001

You know you're stoned when you go on your local aquarium's website and you're like, "Omigod! A whole F.A.Q. page about the ocean!!!"

thinkin' about g'raffes

Is it me, or do giraffe's have antennaes?

haven't seen abraham lincoln in the tabs lately. wonder what's goin' on with him. dittos for alan thicke and meredith baxter birney.

occupational thoughts

During the the height of feminism, i wonder if women who hauled garbage used to get up in arms over what they were called. No, we're garbagewomen, right ladies? actually, i've never seen a garbagewoman! but i have seen a postwoman.

question for the panel

Is Godzilla pronounced "Godzeeeya" in Spanish?

when it's raining out, I like to take a shower... so I can be one with nature.

i like to overhear conversations. especially the ones i have with myself.

I'm embarassed to say...

tonight I ate Buffalo Chicken Poppers at TGIF.

Alone.

Please, don't ask! NO!

Okaaayyyy...well, I was walking along 5th avenue in the E. 50's en route to a really cool show by a British comedian Daniel Kitson. It's called Stories for the Wobbly-Hearted and he crafts these tales of loneliness and humanity and humor that are quite compelling.

Anyway, back to the Poppers. As I walked towards TGIF, I thought "hmmm, maybe it's not so bad. It's been awhile, after all." Then I pass the door, changing my mind - there must be a better option in this tony neighborhood. THEN, i turn on my heels, partially out of hunger - mostly out of curiousity - and confidently find myself at a red and white striped table for two, alone.

TG there were no balloons tied to my chair! There were red and white balloons tied to other chairs to create that "random, festive" look.

The menu is long and includes many visuals which only help make me decide what not to get. Some of the menu items are crossed out with a sticker on them saying "Forced into early retirement".

Huh?

It's true.

I guess it's TGIF's attempt at a sense of humor.

Long story longer - I go with the Poppers at a mere $9.99. TG I didn't get the Chicken Strips - that was a cool $14.35. When did this place get so pricey. I mean it! The place was PACKED.

After I left I felt pretty good. Now I know I never need to eat there again. Curiousity satisfied, stomach hurts.

Good PopperNight,

molly

when everything reminds you of someone

ever have one of those days, ya know - THOSE DAYS - when you go outside and all you see are reminders of someone you used to like? ok, so get this - i used to (ya know - USED TO) like this guy and we went out on some dates. ya know - DATES.

so the other day...[pause, look around suspiciously], i go outside [lower voice as if telling a secret] and it's like the world is conspiring to REMIND me, nay, BEG of me to recall a certain someone i'd rather delete from my memory.

for instance:

on one of our dates, we got pizza.

today, i went for a walk, and saw like 14 people eating pizza.

ok, molly, i say to myself. that's a little weird.

then i overhear some dude talking about his band.

okaaayyyy, weird because he loved music.

and the kicker? i'm about to walk in my apartment when i run into him!

or at least i thought it was him - turn out it was another guy with a similar looking t-shirt he used to wear.

man, i think somebody upstairs is trying to tell me something.

practical wishes

i've always been a wisher. 11:11 - i'm on it! birthday candles - done. i even make my own wishes for other people's birthday candles.

but lately...

i don't know.........

i just feel that my wishes are taking too long to come true.

true love?
world peace?
free nachos?

so now i make wishes for things i have total control over! like, in the morning, i'll be getting ready and i'll be like "Dear G-d, please make it so I wear my favorite jeans today. i mean it!!!!!"

WISH COMPLETE.

you should try it sometime. it's not that satisfying.

i can't explain it but...

right now i feel like a washed up ceramics teacher.

or maybe a down n' out millionaire?

i dunno, you tell me how i feel. It might be more accurate!

hair goals

The sad thing is, I have more defined long-term goals for my hair (growing out bangs) then for my life (not sure what's going on).

ending post rampage riiiiiiight...now!

goodnight,
molly

sureally long previews

yesterday i saw a move called "The Breakup". It starred two indie actors, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. I think they're on the verge of breaking out into mainstream stuff pretty soon, based on lots of factors and variables I won't bore you with right now. But before this hidden gem of a movie began, there was the longest preview I ever saw.

How long was it?

Well, it was so long, that for about 7 minutes into it, I was convinced we walked into the wrong movie. There was no clue whatsoever, no climactic music hinting at the peak of the scene, that led you to believe you were watching anything other than the beginning of a full length movie. It was disturbing. My friend was clueless too. I was about to walk out of the theater and query the ticket taker, when finally the voice over guy gave relief. BTW, the preview was for "The Devil Wears Prada" which I no longer want to see based on the preview.

Also, "The Break-up" was pretty bad, but not so terrible that you wouldn't tell your friends not to Netflix it. Jen and Vince aren't a convincing a couple as, say, I don't know, BRAD AND ANGIE?!?!?!?!?!

My motto for life...

LIVE IT!

my current fave expresh

is:

"stop harshing on my mellow"

i've been using it lately with just a smidge of abandon*.

*i just had to google the phrase "with abandon" and "without abandon" to determine which one meant what**

** early alzheimer's

tomorrow's plan

hey guys,

so tomorrow (DO NOT STOP ME!!!) i plan on going to the gym after work. i'm going to go to the gym, yeppers! i'm not just saying it, either. watch out ELLIPTICAL machine - i'm gonna ride you so hard for like 20-35 minutes tomorrow after work while i flip back and forth between E! and MTV. so don't even think of changing up my plan. concrete. after the cardio workout, i then plan to wipe down the machine. THEN, i plan to do some weight training on some limbs (TBD which limbs). probably after that, i'll do some light stretching, really just pull a muscle or two, then walk jauntily home. WHEW! it's like i already worked out just writing about it. STAY STRONG MOLLY! you are definitely going to the gym tomorrow. unless someone invites you out to dinner, preferably nachos. anybody game for NACHOS tomorrow after work? i was maybe gonna go to the gym.

xo,
molly

body evolution

i think our bodies should start evolving to accomodate fashion trends. like babies nowadays should be born with really long lower backs, so their butt cracks don't show when they wear lo-rise jeans. or maybe butt cracks are eliminated all together. i can't think of any other examps right now, but you get the idea. guess i've been seeing a lot of crack lately on the street. it's upsetting.

potpourri #5, shoe thoughts and noise curiousity

i bought 4 pairs of the same sandals. different colors, but wouldn't it be weird if they were all the same exact color? just stockin' up! but now i can rationalize and be like, they're totally different.

here are the colors:

white
bone
champagne
pearl

on a sidenote, my window faces a very strange space between buildings, creating a disturbing vortex of sound. sometimes it sounds like a machine doing something rhythmic, and sometimes it sounds like someone is having an orgasm. it's too much of a pattern for human behavior, so i'm guessing machine over man.

time to catch some yyyyyyyyyys! ooops, i mean ddddddds.


zzzzzzzzzzzzz,
mollzzzzzzzzyyyyyyy

potpourri #4, mostly about balloons

first off, happy mother's day!!

second, helium balloons depress me. they're like that person who always has to seem happy, but it's totally forced. "Hi!!! Things are going well! Yea, I'm doing good!" then, as the helium seeps from their mylar souls, the balloons slowly descend to the ground, until they're just a heap of deflated hopes with curly ribbons gathering dust.

thirdly, goodnight!

fourthly, i like normal balloons. they know when to throw in the towel.

clip up on comedy central

click on title, clickers!

a note-le about chipotle

Guys, I am not even kidding when I say Chipotle has cornered the market in mass-market tacos! In the past 2 days, I've consumed 2x2x2 tacos - do the math!!! It equals 8. Tonight I was flossing - turns out an ENTIRE taco (untouched) was wedged between my canine and whatever the tooth is called next to it. I really should know this since my dad is a dentist (f'realsies!!). I then put the taco in my mouth, chewed properly, aaaaand...scene.

idea for short play:

You: What time is it?

Me: TACO TYME!!!!

You: Stop it. Really, what the f time is it?

Me: CHI-POTES TIIIIME.

You (grab my wrist and look at watch): Wanna get some 'cos?

Me: Nah, not in the mood.

[Audience is stunned that my character doesn't want a taco after all. Scene is meant to be a bit of a cliffhanger and lead into next scene which is all about character's startling change of heart]

AAAAND SCENE*

*written, produced and directed by someone who is obsessed with a certain (shall remain unnamed) hard shelled treat that is on the menu at a certain (shall remain unnamed - I don't want everyone to ruin it) QSR**

** That's Quick Service Restaurant as we say in the food biz***

***biz = business

so...

I feel like mankind let down E.T.

my motto for spring...WAY TO BLOSSOM!!

I went for a walk the other day. The air smelled so nice. I was like "Is that fabric softener?" and then i was like "oh, it's nature!" and then i had nachos.

love,
molly

my knuckles hurt

'cuz all I've been doing lately is knocking on wood. Seriously, last night during dinner my pal and I knocked on wood like 87 times just as a safety precaution. All I can do these days is knock on wood! There's so much at stake.

For example:

Will he call me back? KNOCKIN'!

Will he call you back? KNOCKETY-KNOCKERS!!

And so on...and so forth!

It's tempting to knock on wood for inappropriate things.

For example:

Will my pasta taste good? small knocks

I hope I still fit into my pants from last year. medium-size knocks

I hope Earth lasts. the tiniest of knocks, really just a knocking motion in the air

I hope you all can relate to this train of thought (knock on you-know-what!!!).

love,
molly

right now i'm in puerto rico.

can you tell?

buenos noches mis amores,
molly-cita

p.s. it's really pretty here. i really wish i could show you! i will, when i get back home and upload my photos and import them to this blog, and write captions!

role reversal

I was at Barnes and Noble buying something (aka book) and the woman who rang me up was like "Can I help you sweetie?". She wore a lot of gold chains and her lips were burgundied with lipstick and liner. We made the transaction and then she was like "Have a good night, honey." Normally I would appreciate the sentiments, but the woman was SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD. It was all very confusing.

(tw)in-fighting

When twins fight, I wonder if it feels like they're fighting themselves.

Unrelated, one day i'd like to open a popcorn shop called "Molly's Homeade Original Popcorn Kernel Specialty Store, Selling Only Jars and Jars of Orville Redenbacher"

query to the masses

is it cool to say "don't shoot the messenger!" after you personally insult someone?

let me know,
molly

dancing under the influence (of R. Kelly)

sometimes it's important to have a dance party of one, with a professional photographer on deck to capture the beauty/spontaneity of the moment.

my inspiration:

this is the remix to ignition
hot and fresh out the kitchen
mama rollin that body
got evey man in her wishin
sippin on coke and rum
im like so what im drunk
its the freakin weekend baby
im about to have me some fun

BLOCK PARTY

duuuuudes! me. listen up! i just came back from seeing Dave Chappelle's Block Party. Holy mizz-oly - run and see it. In a theater. This deserves the big screen. A mix of comedy, music and, dare I say, heart? Really cool interactions between musicians, Dave and the people. Dave is a notaried genius.

Inspired!

Here's my contribution to rap:

MC Rei, been all in the media
Even laid verse in Wikipedia

(work in progress)

Also, Lauryn Hill, Jill Scott and Erykah Badu have amazing pipes and really great lip gloss.

Good night,

MC Rei (aka Molly "Knuckles" Reisner)

the sleepover

ever go out with someone, thinking it just might be a date...and then you realize you were horribly misguided? check this out. click on title!

It's Alice!

Hey Peep(s),

This is the Director's Cut of a pilot I did with my cousin, Isaac. Admittedly, the plot is kinda confusing - we know. We're working on a new one. Meet Alice, a twentysomething stoner secretly employed by an elite agency of Super Temps! When she's not filling in for absent surgeons or tardy SWAT Team members, Alice juggles career advice from her busybody roomate, Carla, and a complex relationship with her ex-boyfriend, and current drug dealer, Dylan.

date flashback #1

the worst date i went on was with a guy who smelled like garbage. he said he played music in "subways", and by subways he meant "chinatown on trash night". it took me awhile to reconcile, because he was cute, but he also smelled like sour milk and rotten cardboard. cute cannot trump smell, right? unless...i'm wearing a clothespin on my nose but that seems a bit cartoonish. i didn't fully understand the intensity of the stench until we sat down for a 2 and a half hour movie. At first I was making all kinds of excuses for it - no, maybe it's me. WTF? can't be. gotta be the soda-stained, greasy-fingered movie chair. and, a-nope. then he went to go to the bathroom. and i took a direct hit of his jacket. oh! god! another whiff, just to reaffirm. seriously, WTF?

the rest of the evening consisted of him trying to get closer to me, and me being overly friendly to hide mounting disgust. at the end, i got a stinky hug, and dissuaded him from walking me to the subway. ever agree to something while in your head you already know you are going to do the exact opposite? "sure, yea, let's do lunch during the week! yea, that sounds GUH-REAT!. Yea, give me a call.". but what I really meant was "can you not fucking smell yourself?". long story made longer, brring brring, he calls me up during the workday for our lunch date. being the kind of lady who takes the bull by the horns, i ignored the phone call. I then monitored how many times the phone rang from his number. 3 messages. 8 calls. i felt horrible but justified.


but i did e-mail him - i said i didn't shy away, right? - and promptly lied. yea, i met someone...good luck...soap's good...bye. he was like "i'm so glad you found someone in this crazy city..." but all i'd really found was fresh air.

he was sweet though. in the beginning of our (2 week maaaax) courtship, he would write me really flattering e-mails which kinda weirded me out but i also enjoyed. you can't smell an e-mail, that's for dang sure!! one time he wrote me a song, using my name. that also gave me the heebie jeebies. but, yea, what girl doesn't want a song written about her, even if it's a little creepazoids?

FLASHBACK MORAL: Smell nice. And lying's ok to protect someone's feelings, especially your own.

FIN

*look out for more dating flashbacks!! let me know if you like them! because i'm thinking of compiling these into a fabulous and uplifting book tentatively titled DATING SNIPPETS TO MAKE YOU REALIZE WE ARE ALL ESSENTIALLY ALONE.

blogsphemy!

To anyone who actually checks this thing:

Mainly Me:

I realize this blog is in serious neglect. 2 months. No update?! What?!?!?!?! A shunde! (Shunde = yiddish for 'shame'). There's something else...I'm so sorry to tell you like this in cold, hard computer letters...

I have another blog. It's on myspace. http://blog.myspace.com/mollyreisner It's been so long, I forgot how to link on you. Jesus.

I've only done a couple posts there, but yea, I'm a 2-tymer. But don't feel too bad, I don't think it's gonna last. I don't think I can keep up 1 blog, much less two.

Give me one good reason to stick with you. I will, I swear, I will.

If you're curious about what I've been blogging, blog, you can meet myspace. We can all be friends, right? RIGHT???

yours...forever...

molly

non-seqs

ever say out loud to yourself, "might as well make myself useful around here!" before tackling a chore? like tonight i chuckled at myself and was like "molly, you better earn your keep!", then i did the dishes. that's right folks, i jes' crack m'self up!

why is radio shack still a shack? this store has been around since the dawn of radios. someone's not running the business right.

ok, so i bought a big tube of toothpaste the other day and felt like i had a comittment ceremony with Colgate Spearmint. I am stickin' by this flavor, for like 2-3 months!

?! - love this combo of punctuation. cuz the ? is clearly like "i don't get it? huh?" and the ! is like "totally! i know!" but ?! is something unique. it's like "i'm feeling incredulous?!"

sometimes there are moments when someone's talking and i'm like "FF!"

p.s. FF=fast forward

p.p.s. p.s.=post script

what do you do with your ex's leftovers?

throw them out!

I told someone I l-o-v-e-d their shirt, but i only really l-u-v-e-d it.

important ?

what's up with boys?

dear blog,

another delinquent posting from yours truly, the juvie. how many tears have i cried for you? none. i feel bad i haven't written in a while, but then again, it's not like you've written me either! hey passive-aggressive. ok, well, let's KIT, k? I mean f'reals, not F'FAKES! F'fakes is so '93, I'm over that 'tude, ya know? Hey blog, thanks. For being f'real.

luv,
molls-a-lots

i love signs in different countries. bahamas. conch. goldies. try it. goldie has gold teeth, solid.

revelation

i'd be seriously freaked if someone gave me a lifetime supply of nachos, and it was 4 servings. I'd be like "Um, do you know something I don't?"

guess who's blogging on a saturday night?

God: Just for kicks, I'm gonna put a freaky hole in the sky and see if anyone notices.

me - age 8ish - in my fanciest pac-man related outfit. note the string barrettes and smurf necklace. i love how the pinky belt is creating a waist. remember how those polaroid flashes plugged into the top?

heads up - i'm starting a male cheerleading team. practice takes place in my apartment. white t-shirts will serve as the uniform. must be goal oriented, enthusiastic, and have a winner's attitude.

omg! totally forgot to tell you guys. i had a baby!!! jk, it's my newest nephew, jonah. he's extremely cute, and you know what? he knows it.

you really need to order at THE BAR, OK. GOD!!!!

At the bar tonight, my pals and i sat at a table. the place was empty. the bartender lady comes over and says "if you want drinks, order at the bar since i'm the only one here tonight." UMMMMM, EVEN IF NO ONE IS AT THE BAR? WE KNOW NO ONE IS AT THAT BAR. unless...nah, ghosts don't drink!

reminds me of the shores of coney island (minus roller coaster, debris and lack of mountains).

When I own a house, I will definitely paint pictures of my favorite foods on the side. It will make me excited to prepare or purchase those foods, which I can then eat in the kitchen, inside my house.

totally new look!

i just COMEPLETELY revamped the ol' blog. Had to retype all my entries and comments which kept me real busy tonight. it'd be great if all I had to do was press a button to pick a new template but, ah well.

sunday night potpourri, part 4

Ever be really YOU - you know really ON - to the point where you feel like you're channeling... yourself?

folks, the potpourri is short tonight. i think i'll make it a weekly round-up sort of thing, instead of being so blog-se about it all.

oh, here's something. i don't get when people are so like "NO REGRETS, MAN." and they shake their heads with the wisdom of someone who'se been through it all, and they're like 26. Nooooo regrets. holy shit, sometimes my whole life feels like a festival of regret.

if you're a comedian and reading this, here's a term I made up you might relate to:

JOKESPLOSION.

That's what you call a joke-writing streak.

Use it!!! DO IT.

missed call

Whenevs I get a missed call, I automatically assume it's the person I want most to call me but never has. Sweet hope, inevs disspointment.

I'm starting to shorten words/make up new spellin's to the point where they sound strange even to me.

H to the - elp!

t-shirt idea

What about a t-shirt that says "Bear it, Don't Wear it." The message being, hey, keep your shit together man, stop flooding me with your angst.

sunday night potpourri, part 3

dear blog,

couple things clankin' around before i sign off for the night:

i have a fear that my lava lamp is going to erupt.

tip: don't ride a stationery bike while watching the tour de france. you'll feel like your going nowhere, fast.

the fact of the day from today's snapple lid said "jews are everywhere". it's true! that crazy exodus.

where are my generation's bob newharts?

xo,
molly

batman

guys (hi me!),

i just saw batman. not the real batman - the fictional version. is it my imagination, or does katie holmes look like she had a stroke? discuss (amongst myself!)

g'night,
molly (AKA me)

i'm really sensitive.

Is it weird to feel bad for the 'deleted scenes' on a DVD? Last night I found myself watching them out of pity, I hope they don't find out I fast-forwarded through the boring (all of them) ones!!

it's late

BLOG!!!! Hey. How ARE you'? I keep feeling this nagging sense that I'm disappointing you and you totally have the right to be pissed. I'm like that guy you have a crush on - you know the one - the one who gives you JUST enough to keep you interested. But never more. Checking in every coupla weeks - how you doing - that bullship (I'm trying not to curse). So, my sorries will just keep pouring into the big sorry well of life. Guess what's new? I'm drunk! Not really. This is going to be a really personal entry, my fingers are just tap-tappin' away with no consideration of consequences. JK! I'd never reveal anything too personal on this thing. Lord knows who GOOGLES me. So...I thought I'd solidify some thoughts I've been having.

1) I wonder what bathroom graffiti in a library would look like. Maybe something like: Kim heart F. Scott Fitzgerald!!! Or, maybe...For a good time, read Amy Tan bitch!!! Just wondering.

2) Let's not think about this too much, but I definitely feel a connection to Cameron Diaz. It's like, she's sooooooo goofy! Me too. Plus she digs J. Timbs and, yea, so do I, duh! I actually saw Justin in my work building several years ago. I was carrying my subsidized cafeteria lunch in a cardboard box, walking towards my elevator bank. He whooshed right past me, bodyguards behind me. My heart started beating real fast. I gawked. My heart went palpa (palpitated with lust). I was surprised how tall JT was - about 6 ft of GROOVE. Damn. Was that my chance? So back to Cameron, we're like twins and she knows it! In a way, she copies me. P.S. J.T. and I totally locked eyes - like two tigers.

3) What else can I ramble on...oh! Nothing.

4) Oh! I remember. JK! I'm drunk.

5) One more thing. My friend's grandma turned 95 recently. I told her "Well, you can't say you're in your early 90's anymore!". And I just chuckled up a storm while she asked me to repeat myself.

6) Hey! Good night. Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I'm gonna get? Right now, it'll be 6 hours if I go down instantly.

7) Hey. I'm still up.

8) Ok, this is ret*rded. And pleasing. Blog, a heartfelt goodnight and I'll really try this time...k? Sucker.

heart ya,
molly

P.P.S. because I already had a P.S. up there - just wanted to let you know I feel really complete right now. This is nice. I mean it. Seriousy, jeez!

segregation at the office

I just noticed a recycling bin in my office hallway that says "White Paper Only!!". What is this, 1952?

customized keyboard

I write craploads of e-mails every day and I'm starting to think that the standard computer keyboard could use an update. You know, one-touch phrase shortcuts. Here are some buttons I'd like to see on my keyboard:

"Per our conversation"
"Please let me know me if you have any questions"
"I can't wait to get the f out of work"

Convenient, right?

hey beautiful!

i was walking down the street and this guy said "hey beautiful" as i strolled by. i shrugged it off, until i relaized another woman was walking directly behind me. then i was like " wait a sec...WHO are you talking to!??!" I NEED TO KNOW. if it was me, cool, i'll accept the compliment silently. if it was her, i'm gonna find you a little bit hot.

my bad

sorry man,

it's been way too long. like almost a month. like i said, sorry. this month has really whizzed by. i feel bad about not writing, maybe i'm not cut out for this. what? you're not upset? i love you.

molly

You Know You're New Age When...

you buy a crystal and you mean it.

You Know You've Got an Edge When...

you eat a Big Mac while watching SuperSize Me. Try it...and feel what it's like to walk on the dark side.

You Know A Movie Isn't Great When...

the only time you laugh is during the blooper reel. This was the case with Bride & Prejudice. This movie would have been a RIOT had the entire thing be bloopers of each scene. One blooper after another. 90 minutes of bloopers. Then the trailer would be the blooper-free scenes, spliced together real quick. Brilliant!

Good Morning!

Nothing like waking up on a Saturday morning to a man outside screaming I DON'T GIVE A FUCK for 12 minutes.

My arms are so long...

that when I stretch them out I hug the whole world! Here I go...did you feel that? Let me know!

Kirk Cameron Update

In case you were wondering what K.C. is up to post Growing Pains...if you're not wondering, that's fine too.

I AM SO EXCITED BUT ALSO CONFUSED!!!

I just read my horoscope, and it says the stars have something in store for me...

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???

I hope I can fall asleep tonight!

You Know You Spend Too Much Time Typing When...

you consider handwriting a form of drawing.

Happy Ash Wednesday! (from a Jew!)

When I asked my friend at work what she's giving up for Lent, she said "Jews."

Tricks to Eating Healthy

Folks! It turns out that eating cooked broccoli or carrots tastes REALLY good if you already have sour cream and butter in your mouth. Try it and let me know what you think.

C'mon, Do You Really Need That Cane?

Crossing the slushy street last night, I saw a man walking a little too jauntily with his cane. Like it was a distinguished prop. There was something about the way he bounced it along the pavement that made me question his need for it. In a way, I felt like he was mocking real cane-users with his exaggerated jauntiness - as if to say "Hey, look at this cane-jazz! I can walk fine with out it, but I'd rather not!"

OR...maybe I'm reading too much it.

Bahamas!

My friend Lida and I, en route to snorkeling, sun and spiked rum punch!

Yellow Bird! Yellow Bird! I wanna set you free! Oh wait, you're just a boat.

The opposite of rage.

You Know You Are A Computer Geek If...

when someone asks whether you prefer Mac or PC you answer "That's a loaded question!"

You know you are an emoticon dorkitronious if someone asks if you use smily faces when you sign-off and you answer "It totally depends."

Bahama Snapshots - The Short List

Here are some pics from my recent trip to the Bahamas. I cavorted with animals, ate a lot of shrimp and transformed briefly into a butterfly! Do you believe in magic? You will after seeing these...or not.


This was taken after a flamingo "got curious" and nipped my ass. I think it was the one directly to the right, looking the other way like nothing happened.

Wait, so you're posing as a flamingo WITH a bunch of flamingos? Genius!

Um...this is getting awkward.

Yea, I know my feathers are gorgeous but that doesn't mean I'm gonna fan 'em for you, no matter how much you chase me around the zoo.

Stop looking at me with those imploring peepers Mr. Goat! OK, it worked. I'll buy you some goat snacks.

This picture is worth 6 words.

Meet Bobbi, an endangered macaw!

Hey...that butterfly looks like Molly!

Underselling Your Anger

Telling someone you are 'super-duper' mad probably does not have the same effect as telling them you are f'ing pissed. But don't say 'pissed as all get out', that's weaker then 'really steamed.'

Irrelevant Actor Tried to Make Self Relevant on World Stage

Read this nugget on Richard Gere's attempt to get Palestinians to vote. An important reminder that American Gigolo, Pretty Woman and, oh heck, all of Mr. Gere's canon aren't 'must-sees' for Palestinians.

See ya!

Sometimes when I say 'See ya' I add in my head 'wouldn't wanna be ya'. Even if I DO want to be that person! Like:

1) Gwyneth Paltrow with her bouncy Apple and hottie hubs
2) The person who gets to be a nacho taster for a living
3) Carrot Top

But I haven't met any of the above...yet!

Although I do mean 'wouldn't wanna be ya' to the following:

1) Tracy Gold
2) The person who gets to be a blueberry and olive taster for a living
3) A parrot that can't speak

Who's Your Daddy?

aka Who's The Asshole Actor Pretending to Be Your Daddy?


p.s. I totally cried when T.J. picked her dad. Then felt weirded out when she met her 3 half-sibs. And then plain retarded when she met her biological mother. I really hope this show was fake.

Pine Bros. Lozenges: What Happened?

GUYS! Remember those soft, sticky throat "lozenges" manufactured by Pine Bros? They came in boxes of cherry, honey and multi-flavored. I went through thousands of those suckers in the '80s. On and off for the past 15 years I've been wondering where the hell they've been...not wanting to believe they are truly off the market and not just lurking on some godforsaken country store shelf.

I got curious last night. Real curious. Do others miss Pine Bros.? Do others remember like I do? Or were they just a flash-in-the-pan kind of lozenge? I was pleased to see there is dialogue about my beloved PBLs. People are honoring them. People remember.

Now who can tell me what happened to DYNAMINTS? My God, I miss those.

A Pretty Cool Name for a Terrible Harp-Rock Band

Duel Vibrations.

Also, I think there should be a new genre of music that incorporates the glockenshpiel. Glock N' Roll anyone? Let's make it happen!

don't make me count!

Listening to someone try to do some simple math out loud is like mind control. Because you can't help but figure out the damn problem too. The other day this dude was in the elevator with me, ticking off numbers he was adding. I was like "no...no! i'm not adding them, i'm really not. 128! dammit."

Happy (C)Hanu(k)ka(h) Guys!

cold, november rain.

November makes me think of sweet Axl Rose. A rocker, a troubled soul, a man who looks horrible in braids.

I miss the days when Axl looked fierce.

A reminder that male braids are not always the right choice when updating your image.

Guess who just learned how to hyperlink!

Hi world (world = my readership of 4),

Apologies for disappointing you for the past month with nary a blog. I need some inspiration. Maybe I'll find it in these arms. Whoah!

love,
molly

hot steamy train

Yea, I take the train to work...HA HA HA! This is near Allentown, PA - my hometown. where steam engine trains are NOT a thing of the past. Well, a little bit in the past.

it's nice to point at your ears every now and then.

INCREDIBLE PIZZA ALERT

Last night I dreamt about pizza. Because earlier I actually ate the f'ing best I've ever had in my life. DiFara's - Avenue J and 14th st - I'm talking BROOKLYN. I'm talking take the Q train to Ave J at once and fall into a pie like none other.

It's a real unassuming place when you walk in. A bunch of long tables and chairs scattered awkwardly about. Tiers of people circled the counter, hushed, watching the owner, Domminick, and his daughter carefully and quietly make pizza. There was no yelling, no rush. Everyone was patient, and respectful. This place has been around for a long time, a real neighborhood joint. My friend and I wisely changed our order from a bunch of slices to our own pie.

We waited. And waited. People around us waited. There was anticipation, and hunger, and excitement. When our pie came out, I nearly didn't know what do with myself. Sweet Domminick gave us a plate of freshly grated parmesan to sprinkle on top. We shuttled over to a table and ate our first slices in silence. The cheese slides right off if you're not careful. Olive oil collects in the crevices of cheese and sauce. The crust is light and crunchy. Onlookers gazed at our pizza as if it were a work of art. Which it is. I ate half a pie.

The pizza was so good, as I was eating I was worried about when I would be back. When? When? Soon, so very soon.

yea, i lost your number...

Every now and then, I go through my cell phone list and delete people who make me sad and annoyed looking at their name because I used to like them and looking at their name reminds me of all the time and energy wasted thinking about how cute and awesome they are. In a frenzied fit of mild irritation, I erase their digits, thinking "HA! You'll never know that I can no longer reach you. And that is true power."

I recently had to re-ask someone for their number and there's just nothing you can say to explain why it's mysteriously "disappeared." Yea, I scrolled through my phone, you didn't make the cut, and I pressed delete. My phone totally did exactly what I wanted it to at the time, it's soooo messed up!

Hey Blog, I'm baaaack! For now.

omigod, my life is SO crazy!!!

Before I start this entry, let me just say I don't remember how to spell 'unecessary'. Part of me wants to just flat out double up on every letter. Now THAT would be uunneecceessaarry.

OK!

Ever meet someone who unecessarily emphasizes what they're saying, ya know, really AMPS it up, to make it seem like what they are saying is super exciting?

Holy Shit! I just had THE craziest week. Check it - I went to work every day. OUT OF CONTROL! I had like 1-2 quick meetings EVERY day. Went to the gym TWICE, and bumped into ONE friend in the train this morning.

Dude, the only thing you've emphasized is how BORING you are.