guess who's blogging on a saturday night?

God: Just for kicks, I'm gonna put a freaky hole in the sky and see if anyone notices.

me - age 8ish - in my fanciest pac-man related outfit. note the string barrettes and smurf necklace. i love how the pinky belt is creating a waist. remember how those polaroid flashes plugged into the top?

heads up - i'm starting a male cheerleading team. practice takes place in my apartment. white t-shirts will serve as the uniform. must be goal oriented, enthusiastic, and have a winner's attitude.

omg! totally forgot to tell you guys. i had a baby!!! jk, it's my newest nephew, jonah. he's extremely cute, and you know what? he knows it.

you really need to order at THE BAR, OK. GOD!!!!

At the bar tonight, my pals and i sat at a table. the place was empty. the bartender lady comes over and says "if you want drinks, order at the bar since i'm the only one here tonight." UMMMMM, EVEN IF NO ONE IS AT THE BAR? WE KNOW NO ONE IS AT THAT BAR. unless...nah, ghosts don't drink!

reminds me of the shores of coney island (minus roller coaster, debris and lack of mountains).

When I own a house, I will definitely paint pictures of my favorite foods on the side. It will make me excited to prepare or purchase those foods, which I can then eat in the kitchen, inside my house.

totally new look!

i just COMEPLETELY revamped the ol' blog. Had to retype all my entries and comments which kept me real busy tonight. it'd be great if all I had to do was press a button to pick a new template but, ah well.

sunday night potpourri, part 4

Ever be really YOU - you know really ON - to the point where you feel like you're channeling... yourself?

folks, the potpourri is short tonight. i think i'll make it a weekly round-up sort of thing, instead of being so blog-se about it all.

oh, here's something. i don't get when people are so like "NO REGRETS, MAN." and they shake their heads with the wisdom of someone who'se been through it all, and they're like 26. Nooooo regrets. holy shit, sometimes my whole life feels like a festival of regret.

if you're a comedian and reading this, here's a term I made up you might relate to:

JOKESPLOSION.

That's what you call a joke-writing streak.

Use it!!! DO IT.

missed call

Whenevs I get a missed call, I automatically assume it's the person I want most to call me but never has. Sweet hope, inevs disspointment.

I'm starting to shorten words/make up new spellin's to the point where they sound strange even to me.

H to the - elp!

t-shirt idea

What about a t-shirt that says "Bear it, Don't Wear it." The message being, hey, keep your shit together man, stop flooding me with your angst.

sunday night potpourri, part 3

dear blog,

couple things clankin' around before i sign off for the night:

i have a fear that my lava lamp is going to erupt.

tip: don't ride a stationery bike while watching the tour de france. you'll feel like your going nowhere, fast.

the fact of the day from today's snapple lid said "jews are everywhere". it's true! that crazy exodus.

where are my generation's bob newharts?

xo,
molly

batman

guys (hi me!),

i just saw batman. not the real batman - the fictional version. is it my imagination, or does katie holmes look like she had a stroke? discuss (amongst myself!)

g'night,
molly (AKA me)

i'm really sensitive.

Is it weird to feel bad for the 'deleted scenes' on a DVD? Last night I found myself watching them out of pity, I hope they don't find out I fast-forwarded through the boring (all of them) ones!!

it's late

BLOG!!!! Hey. How ARE you'? I keep feeling this nagging sense that I'm disappointing you and you totally have the right to be pissed. I'm like that guy you have a crush on - you know the one - the one who gives you JUST enough to keep you interested. But never more. Checking in every coupla weeks - how you doing - that bullship (I'm trying not to curse). So, my sorries will just keep pouring into the big sorry well of life. Guess what's new? I'm drunk! Not really. This is going to be a really personal entry, my fingers are just tap-tappin' away with no consideration of consequences. JK! I'd never reveal anything too personal on this thing. Lord knows who GOOGLES me. So...I thought I'd solidify some thoughts I've been having.

1) I wonder what bathroom graffiti in a library would look like. Maybe something like: Kim heart F. Scott Fitzgerald!!! Or, maybe...For a good time, read Amy Tan bitch!!! Just wondering.

2) Let's not think about this too much, but I definitely feel a connection to Cameron Diaz. It's like, she's sooooooo goofy! Me too. Plus she digs J. Timbs and, yea, so do I, duh! I actually saw Justin in my work building several years ago. I was carrying my subsidized cafeteria lunch in a cardboard box, walking towards my elevator bank. He whooshed right past me, bodyguards behind me. My heart started beating real fast. I gawked. My heart went palpa (palpitated with lust). I was surprised how tall JT was - about 6 ft of GROOVE. Damn. Was that my chance? So back to Cameron, we're like twins and she knows it! In a way, she copies me. P.S. J.T. and I totally locked eyes - like two tigers.

3) What else can I ramble on...oh! Nothing.

4) Oh! I remember. JK! I'm drunk.

5) One more thing. My friend's grandma turned 95 recently. I told her "Well, you can't say you're in your early 90's anymore!". And I just chuckled up a storm while she asked me to repeat myself.

6) Hey! Good night. Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I'm gonna get? Right now, it'll be 6 hours if I go down instantly.

7) Hey. I'm still up.

8) Ok, this is ret*rded. And pleasing. Blog, a heartfelt goodnight and I'll really try this time...k? Sucker.

heart ya,
molly

P.P.S. because I already had a P.S. up there - just wanted to let you know I feel really complete right now. This is nice. I mean it. Seriousy, jeez!

segregation at the office

I just noticed a recycling bin in my office hallway that says "White Paper Only!!". What is this, 1952?

customized keyboard

I write craploads of e-mails every day and I'm starting to think that the standard computer keyboard could use an update. You know, one-touch phrase shortcuts. Here are some buttons I'd like to see on my keyboard:

"Per our conversation"
"Please let me know me if you have any questions"
"I can't wait to get the f out of work"

Convenient, right?