thursday blog blast

Happy 3/5/09 people! There's absolutely nothing special about the date. DON'T READ INTO IT! I already tried. Wait, all the numbers are odd. And if you add the numbers, then double the sum, it's my age. And if today is your birthday, then it IS a special day! To you.

On a less hostile note, hi guys! can you tell i've spent the entire day A to the L to the ONE? I just polished off my signature tri-CH platter: CHips, CHeese, CHocolate. Super yums. When you spend the day by yourself, it's ok to assemble a meal made of snack foods. Right? Right!

I'm going to get my daily eighty eight year old lady walk in now that it's dark out and I've recently changed into street clothes. Time to see my boo and eat a vegetable.

Love n' superreal hugs,
molly

a smattering of my favorite foods!

hey ganglies,

now that it's 2009 and all, i figure it's time to reveal some of my favorite foods. the following are food stuffs that often find their way into my paws and, subsequently, into my maw.
enjoy the variety of visuals!

and and...

and oops, i almost forgot




love,
molly "can take or leave popcorn" reisner

internet babies

"I don't have any real babies in my life, but I am tracking several of them on facebook" - my roommate, Jenn.

zinger #1

You know you're getting old when your message t-shirt says "Dance Like You've Never Had Knee Surgery." And you bought it at Talbots.

OVER-IT-ISTA

note to copywriters:

adding the suffix 'ista' to create fake nouns is getting real tiresome. examples include recessionista, fashionista, stylista, and storagista. what is a storagista you ask? it's someone who stores stuff, probably fiercely and relentlessly. caught that one on a storage ad on the subway. here are some other uses that are bound to pop up over the next coupla months:

bankruptista - one (most likely a girl or gay man) who has found herself fiercely bankrupt.

couch surferista - one (most likely a girl or gay man) who has found herself fiercely sleeping on the couches of friends, due to recent bankruptcy.

diarrrheaista - one (most likely a girl or gay man) who has found herself in a continual state of fierce diarrhea, due to stress of current financial state, lactose intolerance or combination of the two.

temporista - one (most likely a girl or gay man) who temps, fiercely.

On a happy new year note, HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2009. HOLY CRAPPITY!! The new year fills me with equal parts excitement and dread. So much to accomplish, so much pressure to live up to goals. It's like DO OR DIE time. I aim to do. A lot. I hope you stay motivated to inch towards your dreams. Let's move (slowly) together, k?

Love,
molly "inchwormin' it to the top" reisner

back in effect

hey blog-reading-eyeballs!,

sorry for the lengthy hiatus, i've been busy "living la vida molly" (sorry for being so velveeta city*). what exactly does "living la vida molly" entail? fun-keepers and secret-to-life-seekers, please adhere to the following life lesson plan listed below. follow these steps to achieve your own "living la vida [your name here]"!

DO WHAT YOU WANT, WANT WHAT YOU DO:
SHORT STEPS TO A LONGER (IN A GOOD WAY) FEELING LIFE

1.) quit your job asap.

2.) disregard the rhythms of the outside working world, it's acceptable to stay in your pjs till 3. or 4:16. or whenever you want to de-pajamize. no one has to know!

3.) to save money, consider using one of those re-usable menstrual sponges advertised in feminist magazines. after i considered it, i was like "hell to the no".** i do not want to deal with wringing that thing every coupla hours.

4.) to make money, consider donating genetic material to a loving couple on craigslist so they can create another part-you. you don't have to do it...just give it a good mull.

5.) go to the gym!! it's important to keep up your endurance!!! if you can't afford the gym, just run real fast around your apartment for 45 minutes, pretend a mouse is chasing you and scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6.) whew, got kind of exciteable up there. i'm trying hard to keep the !exclams! at bay.

7.) sorry, step #6 didn't turn out to be a real step. it was more of an apology for step #5.

8.) and we're back! to create structure to your day, write down your goals the night before on your wipeyboard. note to self: go to STAPLES!

9.) do not forgo your smoked salmon! Trader Joe's has pretty good stuff for not that much.

10.) do what you love and love what you do. that was cheesatron 3000!

11.) watch a live stream of puppies playing and slumbering for an hour every day. it's a reminder to be curious, playful and fall down sleeping whenever you get the urge.

i hope this has given you a lil' glimpse of "what it takes". good luck!

yours,
molly

*i just decided that "velveeta city" is a cheesy way to say "that's cheesy".
**i miss cracky whitney houston, where'd she run off to? bobbi brown makes me sad. he's like totally off celebrity radar!

baby pandas and dealing with loss

I'm not sure about other writers and comedians, but I keep a running draft called "master notes" in trusty ol' g-mail. In it, I transcribe things I wrote hastily on receipts and napkins when a jokesplosion occurs. Well guess what I just discovered? My master notes file is gone. It's there. But the contents are gone! Goodbye awesome joke about mailing labels that I won't be able to recall exactly what it was about. Goodbye funny quip about I don't even know what because IT'S GONE. I'm taking this as a sign that it's time to start anew. Release the old stuff and reinvent. Because anything worthwhile remembering I'll remember, right? Right.

Like the ever playful baby panda, I must keep on rollin' (with a matching black and white ball on a grassy lawn.)

funny quote i needed to write down.

"I can't eat food that glistens"
-my mom at a vegan Chinese restaurant upon seeing her faux-meat dish

Sometimes when I need a third opinion, I listen to the voice inside the voice inside my head.

what time is it?

I noticed a couple minute disparity between my computer clock and my cel phone clock AND the clock at the laundry shack, which begs the question... WHAT TIME IS IT? Click the link for official government (creepy) time!

happy last day o' june,
molly

takin' me back to '83

I am a drugstore junkie. As a little girl, I wandered the aisles of Woolworth inspecting all manner of pen, candy and trapper keeper folder with the same delight I have today at the CVS. But nothing compares to ol' Woolworth - they had an IN-STORE DINER!!! after a tough half hour of binge-browsing the goods I would saddle up to the counter and order a hot dog, fries and a coke (with crushed ice). YUM and YUM. So, to my surprise, I recently discovered Woolworth is alive in Germany (I took this pic in Nuremberg, home of weird Woolworths among other historical sights). But like most things that go international, it's not the same store. Yes, German Woolworths are stuffed with cheap goods. Yes, the sign looks familiar. But the spirit is gone! And if you don't have spirit then you don't get my hot dog money.

love,

molly

US Weekly Weekly Ep. 2!

We turned the light on for this one. Enjoystickles!

sincerely,
molly

bald celebrities no one would miss but will be on tv until the end of time.

meet howie! bald, tanned, skeevy soul patch. poor howie has gone through so many bad suits in his life. please don't start a celebrity endorsed suit line howie! omg, what if he does? he probably has a deal already with macy's.

i'm not sure if joey's shirt is part of some western costume look or if he's wearing it genuinely. what causes more disturbance is his muscly crafted chest bursting out of his stretchy to the navel shirt. and i can't even talk about the choker. this is not the lovable floppy haired joey i remember from blossom.

Something to Chew On:
Is Joey Lawrence my generation's Howie Mandel? When I'm 53, Joey is going to be hosting some insane game show botoxed out of his mind.*

Who's with me?

xo
molly

*will Tivo

New series! Us Weekly Weekly.

I have lots of feelings about Us Weekly Magazine. Here are some of them!

phrase change alert!

instead of saying "hey, i'm gonna go home", try "hey, i'm gonna fly back to my nest."

let me know how it goes!

love,
molly "urban phrase changer/trendsetter of words strung together" reisner

p.s. please start using this phrase asap.

it's true! #34

welcome to "it's true!", a new series where i let you in on a little something that is totally true.

and here we go...!

ready?

ok.

one sec...

aaaaah, perfect!

it's true! #34:

you know what feels exactly like winning the lottery?

winning the lottery.

love,
molly

p.s. the first 33 "it's true"s are all insane arithmetic equations aka 3+5-3=5. i spared you reading about them.

on my mind #6,982

living in bustling nyc, i think it's important to stop and smell the laundry exhaust. mmmmm! i love laundry smoke! it's such a homey smell, especially appreciated when you're walking down a dank, wet street. is that tide mixed with a sheet of bounce i smell? YES IT IS!

so frickin' yummy

I CAN'T TAKE IT! if i could marry a food, it would be nachos. if i could have an affair, it would be with these little nugget buggers. ANDES CANDIES!!!! they've wormed their shiny green wrappers into my hands, and into my heart. and into my squishers (aka love handles). got a box of these last week, can't seem to eat less than seven at a pop. they're so GD good. minty mint chocolate, mmmmmm! my only gripe is that they don't make them bigger. it's 2008! can't they manufacture a normal candy bar size already? then i'd only have to unwrap one much larger shiny green wrapper, instead of seven. i used to eat these when i was little too, man, andes and i go way back. i love memory foods. and i love creating new memories involving food. food + molly = being alive and ENJOYING it. i know i sound crazed in this post, that's what food love does to me.

peace n' andes n' nachos,

molly

kmart/astor place fantasy

i was in the kmart today wishing i was in target.

but guys, kmart's trying! their aisles teem with martha stewart goods - periwinkle towels, shell soap holders, linen napkins. but let's face it. martha ain't no isaac (mizrahi). they even had a DVF (diane von furstenburg) like dress in their women's clothing area, but it made me sad. like in 6th grade when debbie wore a coca-cola branded rugby shirt instead of the uber-fashionable blue or green benetton rugby. i'm not proud to say that my friends and i snickered at her rugby. we snickered hard. back to 2008. to sum up, the kmart dress was like a knock off of target's DVF knock-offs. kmart's just not cool enough to have a straight up knock-off of DVF, but they're trying! and the trying is what saddens me, but that's my own issue. i left kmart with 2 sets of martha stewart pillowcases (200 count, y'all! but who's counting? HA HA!) and increased american pride at having shopped at an old-school retailer trying to remain relevant in these target-heady times.

thanks for reading if you read this which i guess you did if you're reading this!

love,
crazy aunt molly

2008 - Reflections!

As I look back on 2008, I can't help but feel nostalgic for all the memories I've accrued this year. Spending time with loved ones and perfecting my hard-boiled egg to name two! Time feels so compressed, do you know what I mean? It's weird, but New Year's eve feels like it was only 25 days ago! In my last post, I made some pretty big resolutions, and I can safely say I've moderately achieved at most one to two. There's not much time left in the year, but I do hope to keep my eye on the ball and really nail some of the harder goals I've set for myself. For me, personally, 2008 has been about reaching, reaching and REACHING some more! Thank goodess my arms are long!!! And THANK YOU, Dear Reader, for "filling up my tank" with your energy and wisdom (which I can only guess at as you are not very forthcoming comment leavers!).

Here's to a wonderful homestretch for 2008!

love and i'm rooting for you,
molly