sunday night potpourri, part 4

Ever be really YOU - you know really ON - to the point where you feel like you're channeling... yourself?

folks, the potpourri is short tonight. i think i'll make it a weekly round-up sort of thing, instead of being so blog-se about it all.

oh, here's something. i don't get when people are so like "NO REGRETS, MAN." and they shake their heads with the wisdom of someone who'se been through it all, and they're like 26. Nooooo regrets. holy shit, sometimes my whole life feels like a festival of regret.

if you're a comedian and reading this, here's a term I made up you might relate to:

JOKESPLOSION.

That's what you call a joke-writing streak.

Use it!!! DO IT.

missed call

Whenevs I get a missed call, I automatically assume it's the person I want most to call me but never has. Sweet hope, inevs disspointment.

I'm starting to shorten words/make up new spellin's to the point where they sound strange even to me.

H to the - elp!

t-shirt idea

What about a t-shirt that says "Bear it, Don't Wear it." The message being, hey, keep your shit together man, stop flooding me with your angst.

sunday night potpourri, part 3

dear blog,

couple things clankin' around before i sign off for the night:

i have a fear that my lava lamp is going to erupt.

tip: don't ride a stationery bike while watching the tour de france. you'll feel like your going nowhere, fast.

the fact of the day from today's snapple lid said "jews are everywhere". it's true! that crazy exodus.

where are my generation's bob newharts?

xo,
molly

batman

guys (hi me!),

i just saw batman. not the real batman - the fictional version. is it my imagination, or does katie holmes look like she had a stroke? discuss (amongst myself!)

g'night,
molly (AKA me)

i'm really sensitive.

Is it weird to feel bad for the 'deleted scenes' on a DVD? Last night I found myself watching them out of pity, I hope they don't find out I fast-forwarded through the boring (all of them) ones!!

it's late

BLOG!!!! Hey. How ARE you'? I keep feeling this nagging sense that I'm disappointing you and you totally have the right to be pissed. I'm like that guy you have a crush on - you know the one - the one who gives you JUST enough to keep you interested. But never more. Checking in every coupla weeks - how you doing - that bullship (I'm trying not to curse). So, my sorries will just keep pouring into the big sorry well of life. Guess what's new? I'm drunk! Not really. This is going to be a really personal entry, my fingers are just tap-tappin' away with no consideration of consequences. JK! I'd never reveal anything too personal on this thing. Lord knows who GOOGLES me. So...I thought I'd solidify some thoughts I've been having.

1) I wonder what bathroom graffiti in a library would look like. Maybe something like: Kim heart F. Scott Fitzgerald!!! Or, maybe...For a good time, read Amy Tan bitch!!! Just wondering.

2) Let's not think about this too much, but I definitely feel a connection to Cameron Diaz. It's like, she's sooooooo goofy! Me too. Plus she digs J. Timbs and, yea, so do I, duh! I actually saw Justin in my work building several years ago. I was carrying my subsidized cafeteria lunch in a cardboard box, walking towards my elevator bank. He whooshed right past me, bodyguards behind me. My heart started beating real fast. I gawked. My heart went palpa (palpitated with lust). I was surprised how tall JT was - about 6 ft of GROOVE. Damn. Was that my chance? So back to Cameron, we're like twins and she knows it! In a way, she copies me. P.S. J.T. and I totally locked eyes - like two tigers.

3) What else can I ramble on...oh! Nothing.

4) Oh! I remember. JK! I'm drunk.

5) One more thing. My friend's grandma turned 95 recently. I told her "Well, you can't say you're in your early 90's anymore!". And I just chuckled up a storm while she asked me to repeat myself.

6) Hey! Good night. Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I'm gonna get? Right now, it'll be 6 hours if I go down instantly.

7) Hey. I'm still up.

8) Ok, this is ret*rded. And pleasing. Blog, a heartfelt goodnight and I'll really try this time...k? Sucker.

heart ya,
molly

P.P.S. because I already had a P.S. up there - just wanted to let you know I feel really complete right now. This is nice. I mean it. Seriousy, jeez!

segregation at the office

I just noticed a recycling bin in my office hallway that says "White Paper Only!!". What is this, 1952?

customized keyboard

I write craploads of e-mails every day and I'm starting to think that the standard computer keyboard could use an update. You know, one-touch phrase shortcuts. Here are some buttons I'd like to see on my keyboard:

"Per our conversation"
"Please let me know me if you have any questions"
"I can't wait to get the f out of work"

Convenient, right?

hey beautiful!

i was walking down the street and this guy said "hey beautiful" as i strolled by. i shrugged it off, until i relaized another woman was walking directly behind me. then i was like " wait a sec...WHO are you talking to!??!" I NEED TO KNOW. if it was me, cool, i'll accept the compliment silently. if it was her, i'm gonna find you a little bit hot.

my bad

sorry man,

it's been way too long. like almost a month. like i said, sorry. this month has really whizzed by. i feel bad about not writing, maybe i'm not cut out for this. what? you're not upset? i love you.

molly

You Know You're New Age When...

you buy a crystal and you mean it.

You Know You've Got an Edge When...

you eat a Big Mac while watching SuperSize Me. Try it...and feel what it's like to walk on the dark side.

You Know A Movie Isn't Great When...

the only time you laugh is during the blooper reel. This was the case with Bride & Prejudice. This movie would have been a RIOT had the entire thing be bloopers of each scene. One blooper after another. 90 minutes of bloopers. Then the trailer would be the blooper-free scenes, spliced together real quick. Brilliant!

Good Morning!

Nothing like waking up on a Saturday morning to a man outside screaming I DON'T GIVE A FUCK for 12 minutes.

My arms are so long...

that when I stretch them out I hug the whole world! Here I go...did you feel that? Let me know!

Kirk Cameron Update

In case you were wondering what K.C. is up to post Growing Pains...if you're not wondering, that's fine too.

I AM SO EXCITED BUT ALSO CONFUSED!!!

I just read my horoscope, and it says the stars have something in store for me...

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???

I hope I can fall asleep tonight!

You Know You Spend Too Much Time Typing When...

you consider handwriting a form of drawing.