It's Alice!

Hey Peep(s),

This is the Director's Cut of a pilot I did with my cousin, Isaac. Admittedly, the plot is kinda confusing - we know. We're working on a new one. Meet Alice, a twentysomething stoner secretly employed by an elite agency of Super Temps! When she's not filling in for absent surgeons or tardy SWAT Team members, Alice juggles career advice from her busybody roomate, Carla, and a complex relationship with her ex-boyfriend, and current drug dealer, Dylan.

date flashback #1

the worst date i went on was with a guy who smelled like garbage. he said he played music in "subways", and by subways he meant "chinatown on trash night". it took me awhile to reconcile, because he was cute, but he also smelled like sour milk and rotten cardboard. cute cannot trump smell, right? unless...i'm wearing a clothespin on my nose but that seems a bit cartoonish. i didn't fully understand the intensity of the stench until we sat down for a 2 and a half hour movie. At first I was making all kinds of excuses for it - no, maybe it's me. WTF? can't be. gotta be the soda-stained, greasy-fingered movie chair. and, a-nope. then he went to go to the bathroom. and i took a direct hit of his jacket. oh! god! another whiff, just to reaffirm. seriously, WTF?

the rest of the evening consisted of him trying to get closer to me, and me being overly friendly to hide mounting disgust. at the end, i got a stinky hug, and dissuaded him from walking me to the subway. ever agree to something while in your head you already know you are going to do the exact opposite? "sure, yea, let's do lunch during the week! yea, that sounds GUH-REAT!. Yea, give me a call.". but what I really meant was "can you not fucking smell yourself?". long story made longer, brring brring, he calls me up during the workday for our lunch date. being the kind of lady who takes the bull by the horns, i ignored the phone call. I then monitored how many times the phone rang from his number. 3 messages. 8 calls. i felt horrible but justified.


but i did e-mail him - i said i didn't shy away, right? - and promptly lied. yea, i met someone...good luck...soap's good...bye. he was like "i'm so glad you found someone in this crazy city..." but all i'd really found was fresh air.

he was sweet though. in the beginning of our (2 week maaaax) courtship, he would write me really flattering e-mails which kinda weirded me out but i also enjoyed. you can't smell an e-mail, that's for dang sure!! one time he wrote me a song, using my name. that also gave me the heebie jeebies. but, yea, what girl doesn't want a song written about her, even if it's a little creepazoids?

FLASHBACK MORAL: Smell nice. And lying's ok to protect someone's feelings, especially your own.

FIN

*look out for more dating flashbacks!! let me know if you like them! because i'm thinking of compiling these into a fabulous and uplifting book tentatively titled DATING SNIPPETS TO MAKE YOU REALIZE WE ARE ALL ESSENTIALLY ALONE.

blogsphemy!

To anyone who actually checks this thing:

Mainly Me:

I realize this blog is in serious neglect. 2 months. No update?! What?!?!?!?! A shunde! (Shunde = yiddish for 'shame'). There's something else...I'm so sorry to tell you like this in cold, hard computer letters...

I have another blog. It's on myspace. http://blog.myspace.com/mollyreisner It's been so long, I forgot how to link on you. Jesus.

I've only done a couple posts there, but yea, I'm a 2-tymer. But don't feel too bad, I don't think it's gonna last. I don't think I can keep up 1 blog, much less two.

Give me one good reason to stick with you. I will, I swear, I will.

If you're curious about what I've been blogging, blog, you can meet myspace. We can all be friends, right? RIGHT???

yours...forever...

molly

non-seqs

ever say out loud to yourself, "might as well make myself useful around here!" before tackling a chore? like tonight i chuckled at myself and was like "molly, you better earn your keep!", then i did the dishes. that's right folks, i jes' crack m'self up!

why is radio shack still a shack? this store has been around since the dawn of radios. someone's not running the business right.

ok, so i bought a big tube of toothpaste the other day and felt like i had a comittment ceremony with Colgate Spearmint. I am stickin' by this flavor, for like 2-3 months!

?! - love this combo of punctuation. cuz the ? is clearly like "i don't get it? huh?" and the ! is like "totally! i know!" but ?! is something unique. it's like "i'm feeling incredulous?!"

sometimes there are moments when someone's talking and i'm like "FF!"

p.s. FF=fast forward

p.p.s. p.s.=post script

what do you do with your ex's leftovers?

throw them out!

I told someone I l-o-v-e-d their shirt, but i only really l-u-v-e-d it.

important ?

what's up with boys?

dear blog,

another delinquent posting from yours truly, the juvie. how many tears have i cried for you? none. i feel bad i haven't written in a while, but then again, it's not like you've written me either! hey passive-aggressive. ok, well, let's KIT, k? I mean f'reals, not F'FAKES! F'fakes is so '93, I'm over that 'tude, ya know? Hey blog, thanks. For being f'real.

luv,
molls-a-lots

i love signs in different countries. bahamas. conch. goldies. try it. goldie has gold teeth, solid.

revelation

i'd be seriously freaked if someone gave me a lifetime supply of nachos, and it was 4 servings. I'd be like "Um, do you know something I don't?"

guess who's blogging on a saturday night?

God: Just for kicks, I'm gonna put a freaky hole in the sky and see if anyone notices.

me - age 8ish - in my fanciest pac-man related outfit. note the string barrettes and smurf necklace. i love how the pinky belt is creating a waist. remember how those polaroid flashes plugged into the top?

heads up - i'm starting a male cheerleading team. practice takes place in my apartment. white t-shirts will serve as the uniform. must be goal oriented, enthusiastic, and have a winner's attitude.

omg! totally forgot to tell you guys. i had a baby!!! jk, it's my newest nephew, jonah. he's extremely cute, and you know what? he knows it.

you really need to order at THE BAR, OK. GOD!!!!

At the bar tonight, my pals and i sat at a table. the place was empty. the bartender lady comes over and says "if you want drinks, order at the bar since i'm the only one here tonight." UMMMMM, EVEN IF NO ONE IS AT THE BAR? WE KNOW NO ONE IS AT THAT BAR. unless...nah, ghosts don't drink!

reminds me of the shores of coney island (minus roller coaster, debris and lack of mountains).

When I own a house, I will definitely paint pictures of my favorite foods on the side. It will make me excited to prepare or purchase those foods, which I can then eat in the kitchen, inside my house.