let 'em know where you stand

above please find the latest pattern from Vans. are you pro-leaf pattern or anti? don't believe all those jokers who say this is the gateway shoe. i might need to get a pair, ya know, for the weekend.

I wish Trader Joe's was like an old-timey trading post where you could bring in anything for a trade. Below are some comparable trades:

1 Gin Blossom's CD (unscratched!!) = bag of TJ walnuts
4 batik wall hangings (circa 1995) = bar of tea tree oil soap
1 J. Crew hunter green anorak (circa 1988) = bottle of TJ special reserve merlot

or I guess I could just donate the stuff.

champagne and my secret life

Last night after seeing amazing, epiphany inducing new years eve fireworks (see below entry), my pals and I uncorked a big one - champagne bottle that is...hee hee (don't know why i'm hee hee'ing but it feels appropriate)...and WE DRANK RIGHT THERE ON THE SIDEWALK!!!! They don't call us "Brooklyn's Baddest Champagne Club" for no reason. New Years Eve is our night to shine, dammit. We passed a $400 bottle amongst each other during a fierce round of "who ever stops taking sips has to leave the circle". Then we heard gunfire* and decided to take Champagne Club** indoors.

*most likely fireworks, mom and dad.
** we're really more like a gang. the gunfire came from our rivals, Port Authority (a group of port*** lovers).
*** port is like a heavy kind of wine. i tried it in Portugal once, and i think I liked it. But then again, I haven't had it since. So maybe I didn't like it. This is a fascinating mystery!

new years eve fireworks - spectacular light show or cruel reminder of how lackluster own year has been?

a little bit of both, a little bit of both.

so i just found out something crazy...i have 2 wombs! like this woman.

i really don't. 2 wombs is like, i don't know, 1 womb too many. seriously, 2 wombs is like alien creepy.

something really interesting just happened to me but i can't tell you now. next time i see you, remind me tell you, k?

you know what's really cool?! chairs with wheels. imagine having a whole room with furniture on wheels. you could rearrange entire layouts, in seconds!

today i feel like this.

a slender boiled hot dog, nestled in its bun. speechless. restless.
(googly) eyes always open.

*photo by david shrigley

Potpourri Thoughts #34

FYI: When you Google Image gibbons, Leeza Gibbons comes up on the first page.

Every now and again I thank god my organs are inside my body.

Vagina Etiquette for Starlets

Check out my new DVD!

hey you...

miss you...and i'm sorry for being such a horrible domain owner.

some thoughts:

-Our president pardons more turkeys during Thanksgiving than humans with a death sentence.

- I feel like I never see polka dots anymore.

-Did He-Man take steroids? plus...I miss Orko.

more tk next month!

WM/BM as of 6:03 PM

Worst Moment SO FAR: dealing with unruly bangs
Best Moment SO FAR: nailing the Roger Rabbit during self-imposed 'dance practice' *

*every now and then i go over my dance moves to make sure i still "have it".



HAPPY HALLOWEEN READERSHIP!

BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR COSTUME CHOICE...

IT'S UP TO YOU TO REALLY "SELL IT"!!!!!

WM/BM

for October 25, 2006:

Worst Moment: waking up in the middle of the night with a real itchy throat
Best Moment: qualuudes. jk, a tiny speedball. JK - falling asleep to the Jon Lovitz classic 'High School High'!

Worst Moment/Best Moment

Hi Gang/Self,

I am going to be doing a recurring feature here called Worst Moment/Best Moment. The purpose is to recount both the ultimate peak and lowest valley (aka zenith and nadir) of each day.

I'm trying to slow down time.

Capture...reflect...RECORD!

Enjoy. Be inspired.

OCTOBER 24TH, 2006:

WORST MOMENT: Hands down, diarrhea.
BEST MOMENT: Diarrhea. JK - finding a bathroom.

show stopper!

does she look familiar? hmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmm?

who: a girl with showgirl dreams and hot pink on her side. aka me at age 10
what: jazz dance recital photo
when: circa 1984
why: to commemorate my year long effort at becoming a beginner jazz student
why important: i fucked up all the moves in the actual recital

this bugs me.

was it necessary to anthropomorphize m&ms?

jokesplosion #539

what time is it when you're always impatient?

NOW O' CLOCK!

Trendiest Food Right Now

SPINACH! If you haven't heard, spinach is the hottest salad green to be eating this week. Going home this weekend for the Jewish New Year, that's Rosh Hashana to most, or That Holiday Where You Eat Apples N' Honey for some OR Time To Get Bored in Temple.

Anyway, mom's cookin' up several dishes per my request:

Kosher Chicken Spinach Roll-ups
Gefilte Spinach Fish
Egg Drop Soup with Bits O' Spinach

MMMmmmmMMMMMMM!!!

On a more serious note, I feel bad for Spinach. E. Coli can really ruin a food group.

stay strong - without eating spinach - it's hard, ask Popeye - but just try - for me...

x to the o,

molls-'pinach - reisner

tip #48

If you're carrying a banana in one hand and see somebody on the street who you want to call you - use the BANANA to gesture "Call Me!" instead of your free hand. It just adds that extra (and much needed) layer of humor to the situation.

SO...

I just cleaned out a bag I use all the time, and discovered half a cashew at the bottom. Makes me think how long have I've been givin' this cashew a free ride. Couple weeks? 4 months? Busted, cashew, totally busted.